Lessons

It was very difficult for me to decide on a subject for this post. There's just a lot of stuff I need to write about but I think I've decided on the right one.

Over the past few weeks I've learned a lot of lessons. I just wanted to share some of those with you.

1. People care about me. For the longest time I've been ridiculously insecure about my relationships with other people. I always think that there is no possible way they could love me and care about me like I love and care about them. This has put lots of strains on all my relationships. Charlie said something in church sunday, "You won't see good in something unless you are looking for good." I need to relax and start noticing the things people do for me. But, since I think so negatively, I only see the negative.

2. My feelings aren't as important as I think they are. Sometimes, I need to just put my feelings aside. It's usually not worth the fighting or agruments that come from me talking about them, so why bring them up to begin with. If I stayed quiet, I would probably get over them much more quickly. Throughout high school, I always kept to myself. People had to pry pretty deep to get me to show emotion...I wonder what happened to change all that. I don't know. I just need to pull back and keep to myself a little more often. I, and people around me, will be happier that way.

3. My standard of cleanliness has gone way down. Thanks to my inspection of apartments, I now can look at something covered in dirt and say, "That's clean." While my own apartment will never look as dirty as the ones I've seen, I don't think that I will be so judgemental about cleanliness anymore.

4. Music is more important to me than I had previously thought. I miss band. I miss it a lot. I miss the people, I miss the trips, and I miss the adrenaline rushes that come when you step on the field. Most of all though, I miss the music. I miss picking up my trumpet and feeling like I was creating something. Don't worry, I know how nerdy this sounds. But I miss it. There's not a whole lot I wouldn't give to find somewhere to play regularly. Oh well.

5. Living alone is lonely. I didn't think it was going to be any different since I rarely talked to my roomate anyways. But it is lonely. Just knowing that I'm the only one in the apartment...ever, is kinda sad. It'll be better when I'm actually in school I think. Cause then I'll at least have stuff to do.

6. Communication doesn't have to be verbal. Over the past year or so it has been really hard for me to get used to the change that communication has taken. Before, me and Lucas would talk on the phone for hours at a time. Now, I'm lucky to get 15 minutes of talk time. It bothered me for a really long time. But I think now I'm realizing that it's okay because we do text all day. While it doesn't seem as personal, it is, because he's the only one I text like that. I don't know. It's still sad to not get to talk on the phone. But texting is better than nothing. We're still taking time to communicate with one another.

I think that's all. I'm sure there are more. But these are the things that have stuck out to me the most; the things I keep coming back to and thinking about.

-Kristina

So long

I can't believe how long it's been since I last wrote. Especially because so many good things have happened.

- I got a B in my French class! This was a huge accomplishment and I'm one hundred percent sure that I did the best that I could.
- My gpa this semester was a 3.8. I will get a 4.0 next semester. I know that I can so I will make it happen.
- I've realized that I am happy where my life is right now. Truly this time. Someone asked me recently if I was engaged yet and my response was different. Usually I'd say, unfortunately not. But this time I said, I'll let you know when it happens. Maybe it was just who I was talking to that made that response easier. But I realized that I shouldn't be in a hurry. He told me he understood and he'd look forward to the announcement. And I replied with, yea, I'll look forward to yours, too. I don't know. I'm just sick of not living in today. So I'll start doing that.

I've also screwed up a lot lately. I can't seem to do things right. Ever. And that's very frustrating. Even when I'm happy I can't be happy because I'm just constantly hurting the person that is closest to me. I don't know. I feel like I'm struggling a lot and I don't know how to fix it.

Please pray for me and my struggles.

-Kristina

Nostalgia

It's so weird to me how songs have such a crazy power of nostalgia. I'm gonna my iTunes on shuffle and give you a peek into how random this works.

(After writing this post I wanted to put in a small disclaimer. All ten of these songs remind me of high school. This doesn't mean I'm stuck on high school, it means my iTunes wanted to play songs that I've had on my iPod since high school. So, had it played new songs, it would have been much different.)

Ready for Love - Cascada
I'm pretty sure this would work for every song on that album. I seriously can smell Sonic when this song comes on. It's funny, cause the one time that I listened to this song at Sonic I was in the car...not inside. It's just weird to me. Because rather than reminding me of the boy I was with, or the weather outside, or anything that would make sense....I smell Sonic. Good times.

You Could Be Right - Salient
8th grade. I don't even know what about 8th grade. This music just makes me think of 8th grade. How strange.

No One to Share the Blame - Josh Gracin
This also works with the whole Josh Gracin cd. I got this CD the day before church camp one year. I believe 2003. I listened to it anytime I was in the dorm. It reminds me of fans blowing and sleeping bags.

Ever Lonely - Hanson
The fourth house I lived in. I thought I was Zac Hanson. No lie. I used to get milk cartons and use them as my drums while I listened to hanson. I remember dancing up and down the hallway screaming the lyrics. This was before the internet was a big thing, so, I used to listen to these songs over and over again until I had all the lyrics written down. I was only in fourth grade haha. So it took a while.

Happy Song - 3rd String Jesus
The night we recorded the chorus track for the YouthQuake CD. Not the recording though. After the recording. When I realized how much I liked Lucas. And how much I was ready to move on from silly high school relationships.

Penny and Me - Hanson
One late night, playing Polish Pool with the girls. I threw a pool ball into the wall...oops haha.

Tia Dalma - Hans Zimmer
Pasadena. The Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney Land. Haha. Good times. For some reason that immediately brings me to Rebecca Trout sticking a toe in her mouth...or something. It's a very unclear memory haha.

One Short Day - Kristen Chenoweth
Chicago. New York City. And best of all. Tulsa.

I Feel Bad - Rascal Flatts
I had a pretty significant break-up junior year. This song spoke very true of me and how I felt. After one night of tears I was good. I wasn't near as upset as everyone expected me to be.

Dancing Through Life - Wicked
This one's easy. Me and Abigail singing parts of this song...over and over and over again. At school, at work, at church, on facebook. Everywhere haha.


This is why I love music so much. Music is such a powerful thing. It can make you happy, or sad. It can remind you of things you haven't thought about in years. I just love music.

It's also crazy to me that it can change. For example. 2 years ago, Cascada would me make me think of Billy. No question. But now. Sonic. Crazy. But I love it.

-Kristina

Wow

These past few weeks have been such a roller coaster. Things have happened that I thought never would, and I've realized that things I thought were going to happen aren't going to.

For starters. I went to my last French class. I still have two meetings with my professor and a paper to write...but I'm done going to class. That is very very relieving. If you've been following my blog, or talked to me at all this semester, you know that I have struggled with this class more than any class I've ever taken. I'm so glad that it has finally come to an end.

In about 10 days I'll be done with 6 semesters of college. That means I'll only have 3 left. 2/3 of the way done. That makes me feel incredibly accomplished. The rest of my classes are either general ed classes that I never got in, or education methods classes like the ones I had this semester. That means until I graduate, I will be in a real classroom at least once a week. This semester I took math and science method classes. Next semester it's reading and social studies. I'm a little concerned about that because I think reading and social studies are harder things to teach.

Tonight is also the last night that I'll have to work at the clubhouse this semester. The rest of my shifts are during the day. I'm so excited about this because I'll have some time free to sit on my porch and enjoy this beautiful weather that we've been having. Hurray.

I have some homework I should be doing right now. So that's all for now.

-Kristina