Lessons

It was very difficult for me to decide on a subject for this post. There's just a lot of stuff I need to write about but I think I've decided on the right one.

Over the past few weeks I've learned a lot of lessons. I just wanted to share some of those with you.

1. People care about me. For the longest time I've been ridiculously insecure about my relationships with other people. I always think that there is no possible way they could love me and care about me like I love and care about them. This has put lots of strains on all my relationships. Charlie said something in church sunday, "You won't see good in something unless you are looking for good." I need to relax and start noticing the things people do for me. But, since I think so negatively, I only see the negative.

2. My feelings aren't as important as I think they are. Sometimes, I need to just put my feelings aside. It's usually not worth the fighting or agruments that come from me talking about them, so why bring them up to begin with. If I stayed quiet, I would probably get over them much more quickly. Throughout high school, I always kept to myself. People had to pry pretty deep to get me to show emotion...I wonder what happened to change all that. I don't know. I just need to pull back and keep to myself a little more often. I, and people around me, will be happier that way.

3. My standard of cleanliness has gone way down. Thanks to my inspection of apartments, I now can look at something covered in dirt and say, "That's clean." While my own apartment will never look as dirty as the ones I've seen, I don't think that I will be so judgemental about cleanliness anymore.

4. Music is more important to me than I had previously thought. I miss band. I miss it a lot. I miss the people, I miss the trips, and I miss the adrenaline rushes that come when you step on the field. Most of all though, I miss the music. I miss picking up my trumpet and feeling like I was creating something. Don't worry, I know how nerdy this sounds. But I miss it. There's not a whole lot I wouldn't give to find somewhere to play regularly. Oh well.

5. Living alone is lonely. I didn't think it was going to be any different since I rarely talked to my roomate anyways. But it is lonely. Just knowing that I'm the only one in the apartment...ever, is kinda sad. It'll be better when I'm actually in school I think. Cause then I'll at least have stuff to do.

6. Communication doesn't have to be verbal. Over the past year or so it has been really hard for me to get used to the change that communication has taken. Before, me and Lucas would talk on the phone for hours at a time. Now, I'm lucky to get 15 minutes of talk time. It bothered me for a really long time. But I think now I'm realizing that it's okay because we do text all day. While it doesn't seem as personal, it is, because he's the only one I text like that. I don't know. It's still sad to not get to talk on the phone. But texting is better than nothing. We're still taking time to communicate with one another.

I think that's all. I'm sure there are more. But these are the things that have stuck out to me the most; the things I keep coming back to and thinking about.

-Kristina