Last week at small groups my small group talked a little about our prayer lives. We all mentioned that we were struggling a little in being consistent. Someone even said their prayer was like a vending machine, she "went to it when she needed something." This really hit home for me. I struggle a lot with being consistent. And when I do pray, my mind is all over the place. I just can't stay focused for very long. I had made a vow last Sunday to spend quality time praying this week as often as I could. I regret to say that Monday was the only day that I did okay. I stopped several times throughout the day and had a conversation with God.
As many of you know. Monday was a bad day for me. Awful. And I didn't understand why on the day that I'm trying to focus on him, he decides to put me through so much stuff. So, I, being the grudge helder I am, held out on him all week. And, he, being the lesson teacher he is, taught me a lesson. While I refused to reach out to him, he wasn't the most protecting of my feelings and emotions.
But then, last night. I was at my end. All of me was exhausted. I felt like I couldn't go one more day. So, I turned to Him. And, last night, things got better. I have returned stregnth. Even though I'm exhausted. I have more optimism, even though this week has been nothing but bad. I feel better. Turned around. Like I can finish this year.
I want to focus this summer on improving my prayer life. I'll have more time, and absolutely no excuse. If I get it in order this summer, I will be strong enough to keep it up throughout the school year.
Lord, Please help me with my prayer.
-Kristina
Friday, April 16, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
The Race to the Finish
I think that it's absolutely crazy that I only h ave 3 weeks of school left. Then there are 2 weeks of finals but I'm not sure if I have any finals those weeks. Which is awesome.
Everyone tells you that college will fly by...who knew that was actually true? I feel like the end is so quickly approaching. In 5 more weeks, I'll only have 3 semesters left. Granted, I plan on getting a masters degree...but that's different. Graduate school is nothing like undergrad. It's just crazy.
I did something this week that I've been very bad about doing for a long time. I invited someone to church. I did it thinking there was no way she'd say yes...and then God surprised me again by having her agree to come. Sunday's still a long ways away so we'll see if it keeps, but even so, I did something that I thought was so hard, and God showed me that it can be very easy.
This weekend is going to be very long. I have to be at church at 6:30 on Easter. That's earlier than I've been anywhere in a long time.
It's official that I'm going to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday. I'm pretty excited because Lucas is coming with my family and I. My parents are gonna have to work hard to keep us out of the wedding chapels. ;)
I need to go now. I'm supposed to be writing my French paper. Speaking of which, I think there's a pretty good chance that I'm going to get a B in this class. There is a chance of a C, but I just feel like I'm going to get a B. We'll see how it goes.
-Kristina
Everyone tells you that college will fly by...who knew that was actually true? I feel like the end is so quickly approaching. In 5 more weeks, I'll only have 3 semesters left. Granted, I plan on getting a masters degree...but that's different. Graduate school is nothing like undergrad. It's just crazy.
I did something this week that I've been very bad about doing for a long time. I invited someone to church. I did it thinking there was no way she'd say yes...and then God surprised me again by having her agree to come. Sunday's still a long ways away so we'll see if it keeps, but even so, I did something that I thought was so hard, and God showed me that it can be very easy.
This weekend is going to be very long. I have to be at church at 6:30 on Easter. That's earlier than I've been anywhere in a long time.
It's official that I'm going to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday. I'm pretty excited because Lucas is coming with my family and I. My parents are gonna have to work hard to keep us out of the wedding chapels. ;)
I need to go now. I'm supposed to be writing my French paper. Speaking of which, I think there's a pretty good chance that I'm going to get a B in this class. There is a chance of a C, but I just feel like I'm going to get a B. We'll see how it goes.
-Kristina
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Guitar =)
I've had a good week so far. I can't believe there's only 6.5 weeks left. And only 4.5 of class. This semester has gone so fast. I'm so glad for that too, I know things will just keep getting faster. I'll be teaching my own class before I know it.
This week I started guitar lessons. I'm taking them from a guy named Pete Banfield. He's been playing guitar for like 30 years and has taught lessons for like 20 of those. He's even written some songs that he sold to Disney. I feel confident in his ability to teach me. I already learned how to play most of a whole song. A Taylor Swift one even. Any lessons teacher that teaches what the student wants is a winner.
Also this week, last night actually, I cut all my hair off. I probably cut 6 inches off where the shortest layer is. I'm not sure how I feel about it but no one has said anything bad yet. Except my dad, but that's cause he's been bitter ever since I cut off like 12 inches in one day. So now everytime I cut it he says, "I thought you were going to grow it out again." And I say, "No dad, I'm never growing it out that long again." And he says, "Oh. Okay." I swear this happens ever 6 months or so when I drastically cut my hair.
I don't have a lot to say really. I need some prayer over the next few weeks because all of my professors have jammed everything into the last few weeks. Which I think is rather dumb. But oh well. It's a race to the finish now.
Okay that's all.
-Kristina
This week I started guitar lessons. I'm taking them from a guy named Pete Banfield. He's been playing guitar for like 30 years and has taught lessons for like 20 of those. He's even written some songs that he sold to Disney. I feel confident in his ability to teach me. I already learned how to play most of a whole song. A Taylor Swift one even. Any lessons teacher that teaches what the student wants is a winner.
Also this week, last night actually, I cut all my hair off. I probably cut 6 inches off where the shortest layer is. I'm not sure how I feel about it but no one has said anything bad yet. Except my dad, but that's cause he's been bitter ever since I cut off like 12 inches in one day. So now everytime I cut it he says, "I thought you were going to grow it out again." And I say, "No dad, I'm never growing it out that long again." And he says, "Oh. Okay." I swear this happens ever 6 months or so when I drastically cut my hair.
I don't have a lot to say really. I need some prayer over the next few weeks because all of my professors have jammed everything into the last few weeks. Which I think is rather dumb. But oh well. It's a race to the finish now.
Okay that's all.
-Kristina
Friday, March 19, 2010
Growing up
It's been awhile. My apologies.
This week was spring break. I have looked forward to this week for a long time and I was counting on some major relaxation. It has been anything but relaxing. I feel like I haven't had much free time at all. It's scary to me to think that, if I don't become a teacher, I only have one more spring break. Sometimes I wish that I lived in a different country. Everything is so much more relaxing there. Like in France, for instance, they have a 35 hour work week. While five less hours doesn't seem like a lot...that's a ton. They also get like a two hour paid lunch break every day. For instance, while I was in France, my parents worked in a town that was about 30 minutes by train from where we lived. They both came home everyday for lunch because they had enough time to do that. Why does everything have to be so hurried and rushed here in America.
I feel like the fact that I'm growing up has been thrown in my face so much this week. Things with Lucas and I are changing so much. I don't even know how to explain it. It's just difficult doing this whole becoming and adult thing with someone else. Not that I'd change it for the world.
Then today, I went to lunch with an old friend from high school. We sat and discussed people we knew from high school. Out of both of our groups of friends, half of them are married, a quarter have kids, one is a model for playboy, one has recently became gay, and several have served in Iraq. It's crazy to me how much your life changes after high school. It's amazing how all of this news and gossip affected me. The marriage thing is always rough. I feel so ready for that but it's not my time. It's so rough seeing everyone around you getting married. The kids didn't bother me so much. While it is something I look forward to a lot, I know that I have plenty of time for that. The one who is a model for playboy was really just unreal. I think that one hit closest to the pains I've been feeling about growing up. I know she didn't choose the most moral career path...at all...but she's doing something. She's chosen her career and made it to the top already. I'm so ready to start my own career...the clean one haha. An elementary teacher.
The one who recently become gay effected me more than anything. This person was someone who was incredibly close to me for 6 years. From 7th grade until I graduated I talked to him about everything. I couldn't tell you how many times I went to him crying about trivial things and he was there for me. He was my first of so many things. Most importantly he was my first best friend. Later he became my first "boyfriend," my first hand to hold, and my first date. However, none of that was where we really clicked. We definitely were supposed to just be friends. After we both graduated from high school we went our separate ways. To be honest, he was part of the reason I went to TU instead fo OSU. I wanted change. Not even cause I wanted to get away from him. I just wanted freedom from him. I knew he struggled with alcohol, and drugs, and Christianity. And I think I didn't want to be resonsible for his salvation. Which is awful, but I think it's true. Anyways, I haven't talked to him for almost three years. I haven't even wanted to talk to him. Even had I talked to him, I wouldn't be able to like I did then. He's different, I'm different. But when I was told today that he was struggling with homosexuality, I couldn't help but feel a little resonsible. I know that there is probably very little I could have done for him. I'm just kinda struggling accepting everything. Life is so crazy. And it's changing so much. Growing up is a very crazy thing.
Also this week I spent a lot of time at the food bank. I haven't done a lot, mostly just labeled unmarked cans. But it's still made me have more appreciation for the food in my cabinets. Some of these cans were in bad shape, and they had things in them that I'd never heard of. I couldn't imagine looking at this can of some strange vegetable and being so grateful for it. I'm just so glad that I am blessed enough to go to the store and get what I want, not what is handed out to me.
I think that's all.
-Kristina
This week was spring break. I have looked forward to this week for a long time and I was counting on some major relaxation. It has been anything but relaxing. I feel like I haven't had much free time at all. It's scary to me to think that, if I don't become a teacher, I only have one more spring break. Sometimes I wish that I lived in a different country. Everything is so much more relaxing there. Like in France, for instance, they have a 35 hour work week. While five less hours doesn't seem like a lot...that's a ton. They also get like a two hour paid lunch break every day. For instance, while I was in France, my parents worked in a town that was about 30 minutes by train from where we lived. They both came home everyday for lunch because they had enough time to do that. Why does everything have to be so hurried and rushed here in America.
I feel like the fact that I'm growing up has been thrown in my face so much this week. Things with Lucas and I are changing so much. I don't even know how to explain it. It's just difficult doing this whole becoming and adult thing with someone else. Not that I'd change it for the world.
Then today, I went to lunch with an old friend from high school. We sat and discussed people we knew from high school. Out of both of our groups of friends, half of them are married, a quarter have kids, one is a model for playboy, one has recently became gay, and several have served in Iraq. It's crazy to me how much your life changes after high school. It's amazing how all of this news and gossip affected me. The marriage thing is always rough. I feel so ready for that but it's not my time. It's so rough seeing everyone around you getting married. The kids didn't bother me so much. While it is something I look forward to a lot, I know that I have plenty of time for that. The one who is a model for playboy was really just unreal. I think that one hit closest to the pains I've been feeling about growing up. I know she didn't choose the most moral career path...at all...but she's doing something. She's chosen her career and made it to the top already. I'm so ready to start my own career...the clean one haha. An elementary teacher.
The one who recently become gay effected me more than anything. This person was someone who was incredibly close to me for 6 years. From 7th grade until I graduated I talked to him about everything. I couldn't tell you how many times I went to him crying about trivial things and he was there for me. He was my first of so many things. Most importantly he was my first best friend. Later he became my first "boyfriend," my first hand to hold, and my first date. However, none of that was where we really clicked. We definitely were supposed to just be friends. After we both graduated from high school we went our separate ways. To be honest, he was part of the reason I went to TU instead fo OSU. I wanted change. Not even cause I wanted to get away from him. I just wanted freedom from him. I knew he struggled with alcohol, and drugs, and Christianity. And I think I didn't want to be resonsible for his salvation. Which is awful, but I think it's true. Anyways, I haven't talked to him for almost three years. I haven't even wanted to talk to him. Even had I talked to him, I wouldn't be able to like I did then. He's different, I'm different. But when I was told today that he was struggling with homosexuality, I couldn't help but feel a little resonsible. I know that there is probably very little I could have done for him. I'm just kinda struggling accepting everything. Life is so crazy. And it's changing so much. Growing up is a very crazy thing.
Also this week I spent a lot of time at the food bank. I haven't done a lot, mostly just labeled unmarked cans. But it's still made me have more appreciation for the food in my cabinets. Some of these cans were in bad shape, and they had things in them that I'd never heard of. I couldn't imagine looking at this can of some strange vegetable and being so grateful for it. I'm just so glad that I am blessed enough to go to the store and get what I want, not what is handed out to me.
I think that's all.
-Kristina
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