Growing up

It's been awhile. My apologies.

This week was spring break. I have looked forward to this week for a long time and I was counting on some major relaxation. It has been anything but relaxing. I feel like I haven't had much free time at all. It's scary to me to think that, if I don't become a teacher, I only have one more spring break. Sometimes I wish that I lived in a different country. Everything is so much more relaxing there. Like in France, for instance, they have a 35 hour work week. While five less hours doesn't seem like a lot...that's a ton. They also get like a two hour paid lunch break every day. For instance, while I was in France, my parents worked in a town that was about 30 minutes by train from where we lived. They both came home everyday for lunch because they had enough time to do that. Why does everything have to be so hurried and rushed here in America.

I feel like the fact that I'm growing up has been thrown in my face so much this week. Things with Lucas and I are changing so much. I don't even know how to explain it. It's just difficult doing this whole becoming and adult thing with someone else. Not that I'd change it for the world.

Then today, I went to lunch with an old friend from high school. We sat and discussed people we knew from high school. Out of both of our groups of friends, half of them are married, a quarter have kids, one is a model for playboy, one has recently became gay, and several have served in Iraq. It's crazy to me how much your life changes after high school. It's amazing how all of this news and gossip affected me. The marriage thing is always rough. I feel so ready for that but it's not my time. It's so rough seeing everyone around you getting married. The kids didn't bother me so much. While it is something I look forward to a lot, I know that I have plenty of time for that. The one who is a model for playboy was really just unreal. I think that one hit closest to the pains I've been feeling about growing up. I know she didn't choose the most moral career path...at all...but she's doing something. She's chosen her career and made it to the top already. I'm so ready to start my own career...the clean one haha. An elementary teacher.

The one who recently become gay effected me more than anything. This person was someone who was incredibly close to me for 6 years. From 7th grade until I graduated I talked to him about everything. I couldn't tell you how many times I went to him crying about trivial things and he was there for me. He was my first of so many things. Most importantly he was my first best friend. Later he became my first "boyfriend," my first hand to hold, and my first date. However, none of that was where we really clicked. We definitely were supposed to just be friends. After we both graduated from high school we went our separate ways. To be honest, he was part of the reason I went to TU instead fo OSU. I wanted change. Not even cause I wanted to get away from him. I just wanted freedom from him. I knew he struggled with alcohol, and drugs, and Christianity. And I think I didn't want to be resonsible for his salvation. Which is awful, but I think it's true. Anyways, I haven't talked to him for almost three years. I haven't even wanted to talk to him. Even had I talked to him, I wouldn't be able to like I did then. He's different, I'm different. But when I was told today that he was struggling with homosexuality, I couldn't help but feel a little resonsible. I know that there is probably very little I could have done for him. I'm just kinda struggling accepting everything. Life is so crazy. And it's changing so much. Growing up is a very crazy thing.

Also this week I spent a lot of time at the food bank. I haven't done a lot, mostly just labeled unmarked cans. But it's still made me have more appreciation for the food in my cabinets. Some of these cans were in bad shape, and they had things in them that I'd never heard of. I couldn't imagine looking at this can of some strange vegetable and being so grateful for it. I'm just so glad that I am blessed enough to go to the store and get what I want, not what is handed out to me.

I think that's all.

-Kristina